For as long as I can remember, I’ve learned to keep my feelings and needs hidden, telling myself they don’t matter as much as those of the people around me. I’ve convinced myself that having needs of my own is asking too much and that asking for what I want will inevitably lead to things ending. I’ve become adept at navigating others’ needs while dismissing my own.
The Illusion of Neediness
I’ve told myself that my natural, human needs—for connection, for example—are irrational and should be tempered and controlled. I’ve framed my desires as nothing more than neediness. But the truth is, I wasn’t being needy; I was being honest with myself about what I truly needed: connection. Over time, avoiding and silencing myself creates a deep sense of disconnect, not just from those around me, but from myself as well.
The Overlooked Pattern
One of the most challenging aspects of this pattern is that I don’t always recognise it when it’s happening. In the moment, my focus is on how I can adapt and make things work. It’s only in hindsight that I realise I’ve been neglecting my own needs. Different faces, same pattern!
Reclaiming My Voice
The realisation that living with these unmet needs isn’t sustainable comes slowly for me. I begin to see that while I’m maintaining harmony, I’m losing the ability to be authentic and express my true self. First, communication suffers, then everything else diminishes until it disappears— which is heartbreaking. Something beautiful dies.
Silent All These Years
Reclaiming your voice and honoring your needs is a process. It requires unlearning the habit of self-silencing and recognising that your needs are valid. Understanding that communication and connection are not signs of weakness but fundamental parts of human interaction is crucial. It also means accepting that asking for what we need may not always maintain harmony, but it will bring us closer to authentic, meaningful relationships—with others and with ourselves.
Embracing Authentic Connection
Breaking free from these old patterns is uncomfortable at first. Speaking up for what we need can feel foreign or even selfish at times. But each time I do, I’m reminded that my needs matter and are not a burden but a bridge to deeper, more genuine connection.
If you find yourself in a similar place—silencing your needs to keep the peace or telling yourself that your desires for connection are too much—I encourage you to take a step back and ask: Whose needs are you prioritising? And why do your own seem less important? The journey to honoring your needs is difficult, but it’s also a path to reclaiming your sense of self and your right to be seen and heard fully, just as you are.
Jen May is a passionate coach specialising in female empowerment and self-expression. She is dedicated to guiding women to follow their wild hearts and discover new pathways to freedom and strength. With over 20 years of experience in the entertainment industry, Jen brings rich expertise to her coaching practice. She is certified in NLP(ABNLP), EFT, TFT(ATFT), Life Coaching(MASC), and Hypnotherapy(ABH).
Jen invites you to embrace the mystery of life, to connect with the wildness of your soul, the depth of your emotions, and the power of your unique voice. Together, you will explore the beauty of being fully alive, embracing the challenges and joys of life with an open and resilient heart. Her coaching is a profound call to transformation, to find your voice, and to step into the light of your true Self.