“I Don’t Like That”

There was a point in my adult life where I realised I didn’t really know what I didn’t like. Not that I didn’t have preferences — I did. I just wasn’t naming them, or honouring them.

Saying “I don’t like that” felt uncomfortable. It felt judgmental, unnecessary, even a bit ridiculous. Like I might offend someone, or imply they were wrong for liking it. So I avoided it. I kept things neutral. I went along with things. I stayed agreeable.

And I ended up in situations I didn’t actually want to be in.

That’s the cost.

When you don’t name what you don’t like, you start to disappear. You smile through things that drain you. You stay when you want to leave. You agree when you don’t mean it. You shape yourself around other people and call it being easy-going.

It’s not.

It’s avoidance.

At some point I started saying it out loud. Not aggressively, not to make a point, just honestly. I don’t like this. I don’t want that. This doesn’t work for me.

It changed everything.

Not because the world shifted, but because I stopped pretending.

The list was simple. I don’t like background music. I don’t like smoking in the car. I don’t like clutter. I don’t like bland environments. I don’t like forced politeness. I don’t like plans that feel imposed.

Nothing dramatic. Just true.

And once it was named, it became easier to act on.

This isn’t about rejecting everything you don’t like or becoming rigid. There are times you tolerate things, times you stretch, times you do what’s needed. But that’s different from constantly overriding yourself.

Most people don’t know the difference.

They think they’re being kind, or flexible, or low-maintenance. But underneath that is often fear. Fear of being seen, judged, rejected, or simply different.

So they smooth everything out.

And in doing that, they lose contact with themselves.

There’s also a layer of performance in it. The version of you that thinks you should like certain things, behave a certain way, fit a certain image. Sometimes it’s not even about what you think, it’s about what you imagine other people expect.

Most of that isn’t real.

What is real is the quiet sense of resistance in the body when something doesn’t fit.

That’s the signal.

Saying what you don’t like isn’t about being difficult. It’s about being accurate. It gives you something solid to stand on. It stops you drifting into situations that don’t work for you.

And it changes how you show up.

Because people who are clear about what they like and don’t like don’t waste energy pretending. They’re not harsh, they’re just defined.

That’s what creates presence.

So maybe the work isn’t to be more positive, or more open, or more accommodating.

Maybe it’s to be more honest.

To notice what you don’t like, say it, and let that shape your decisions.

Because when you stop overriding that part of yourself, something else becomes available.

You.