“That’s not very wild and free of you” my friend says to me, knowing that wild and free are my ideals. And this didn’t scream ‘gaslighting’ to me but it did make me feel a bit angry inside. But why? I thought. Why am I so angry at him? He was using my ideals to manipulate me, to try to get his own way. I didn’t want to go out, I was tired, I wanted to take care of myself and go home. But I started thinking. “Oh you’re right, it’s not very wild and free is it!” “I feel bad”, “I should stay out even though I don’t want to”. This is gaslighting. It’s manipulating my perception of myself and using my ideals to exert control or influence own my actions. And whilst it may well have been unconscious it’s a red flag.
Trust Your Bodily Response: The Wisdom of Instincts
Our bodies have a primal wisdom, an instinctual response that signals when something isn’t right. This gut feeling is our first line of defence against manipulation. It’s crucial to trust these bodily signals. They’re a built-in alarm system, alerting us to danger long before our conscious mind has pieced together the puzzle. When someone attempts to manipulate your perception of reality, your body may react before your mind has time to rationalise their actions. If you’ve been indoctrinated to also be polite and always maintain harmony you may have separated yourself somewhat from your instincts, after all it’s hard to know what’s reactive, what’s conditioned, what’s instinct. Recognising these dynamics is a crucial step in protecting your autonomy and mental well-being. It allows you to assert your boundaries and make decisions based on your own needs and values, rather than being swayed by others’ attempts to manipulate your self-perception.
Trusting Your True Nature
In this particular situation it was essential for me to recognise that self-care and setting boundaries are not antithetical to being wild and free, in fact such acts of self-preservation are the very essence of your wild spirit, guiding you towards what is genuinely beneficial for you. True freedom cannot exist without safety. This duality is not a limitation but a profound understanding of how to move through the world in a way that honours our well-being and autonomy. We are all the arbiter of our identities regardless of anyone else’s approval or recognition. Understanding this is pivotal in reclaiming your power and intuition.
Seeking External Validation Can Encourage Gaslighting
There’s a part within many of us that yearns for external validation, a desire for others to affirm that we are indeed good enough and that we have the permission to be free. This seeking of validation is deeply human, reflecting our interconnected nature and our need for community and acceptance. However, manipulators will play on this. True freedom must begin with the permission we give ourselves to be who we are, unapologetically and wholeheartedly. It’s in embracing our right to autonomy and self-expression that we find the most profound sense of liberation.
Embracing Instincts Over Politeness
Overcoming gaslighting requires a steadfast commitment to trust in our selves, our gut instincts above societal expectations of politeness or conformity. The wild woman spirit within us serves as a beacon, guiding us through the murky waters of manipulation and towards a horizon of authentic freedom and safety.
You do not owe anyone an explanation for trusting your instincts. In a world that often tries to silence the inner voice that guides us towards truth, listening to that voice is an act of rebellion—a reclaiming of the wild, intuitive wisdom that has always been yours.
Jen May is a passionate coach specialising in female empowerment and self-expression. She is dedicated to guiding women to follow their wild hearts and discover new pathways to freedom and strength. With over 20 years of experience in the entertainment industry, Jen brings rich expertise to her coaching practice. She is certified in NLP(ABNLP), EFT, TFT(ATFT), Life Coaching(MASC), and Hypnotherapy(ABH).
Jen invites you to embrace the mystery of life, to connect with the wildness of your soul, the depth of your emotions, and the power of your unique voice. Together, you will explore the beauty of being fully alive, embracing the challenges and joys of life with an open and resilient heart. Her coaching is a profound call to transformation, to find your voice, and to step into the light of your true Self.