“I Can Be Cruel”

Humans are complex creatures. We have the capacity for immense kindness and compassion, yet, paradoxically, we can also exhibit cruelty and harshness. The song “I Can Be Cruel” by Tori Amos encapsulates this dichotomy, reminding us that acknowledging our darker sides is not an endorsement of them but rather an acceptance of our full selves. And I think it’s important that we know this about ourselves. It helps us not feel like victims and be empathetic to others.

The Complexity of Human Emotions

Tori Amos, through her poignant lyrics, invites us to explore the less savory aspects of our personalities. This exploration isn’t about excusing negative behaviour but about understanding it. Why do we act cruelly? Often, it’s not out of a desire to hurt but perhaps out of fear, insecurity, or stress. Recognising this can be the first step in addressing and modifying our behaviours.

Cruelty vs. Abuse: A Crucial Distinction

It’s essential to differentiate between being cruel in a moment and engaging in abuse. Cruelty can manifest as a hurtful comment in a moment of anger, a thoughtless action that we might regret and apologise for later. These moments, while not ideal, are part of being human and are often opportunities for growth and learning.

Abuse, on the other hand, is an entirely different and more grave behaviour pattern. Abuse is characterised by repeated actions that control, manipulate, or harm others. This could be physical, emotional, or psychological. Unlike occasional acts of cruelty, abuse is a sustained effort to degrade someone else.

The Value of Being Fierce

In addition to acknowledging moments of cruelty, it’s also important to recognise when it’s appropriate to be fierce. Fierceness can be a form of strength and assertiveness, especially in standing up for oneself or others. In situations where our rights or the rights of others are being infringed upon, a fierce response can be not only appropriate but necessary.

Being fierce can mean advocating passionately for a cause, defending oneself against unfair treatment, or simply asserting boundaries firmly. This kind of fierceness is a healthy and vital aspect of self-expression and is often essential for personal and social change.

The Role of Self-Awareness and Growth

Admitting that we can be cruel and recognising the appropriateness of being fierce are forms of self-awareness that are crucial for personal growth. By understanding our capacity for negative behaviours and our right to assert ourselves powerfully, we can be vigilant against harmful actions and promote positive interactions.

The Path Forward

What do we do with the understanding that we can be cruel or need to be fierce? First, we can foster a culture of apology and reconciliation where we own up to our mistakes and strive to make amends. We can also seek to understand the underlying causes of our actions. Are we lashing out because we feel threatened, or are we perhaps repeating patterns that we’ve learned in the past?

Therapy and counseling can be invaluable in this journey, helping us to unpack our behaviours and learn healthier ways of expressing our emotions. Additionally, building a supportive community that holds us accountable in a constructive way can reinforce positive behavior patterns.

Conclusion

We are not perfect, we are capable of growth, learning, and change. By understanding the roots of our actions and recognising the profound difference between momentary cruelty, necessary fierceness, and sustained abuse, we can strive to create a kinder and more beautiful world.