I am so ready to hurt myself, to blame myself, to take all the responsibility for every bad thing in the world. I’ve always been like this. I think it has something to do with my tendency for black and white thinking (judging by the former sentence). But it also has to do with my humour, my storytelling ability, my extraversion.
The challenge is that this cognitive style (black and white thinking), characterised by viewing situations, things, people, oneself in extremes—either perfect or disastrous, completely right or absolutely wrong—can be a tumultuous landscape to navigate. The dramatic storyline can be a kind of self-imposed mental masochism. You can end up believing it! Which can really get your into overthinking about things that are beyond any human’s ability to continually, consciously control (& who wants to be that person anyway?!)
The Allure of Extremes
There’s a certain allure in the drama of extremes. However, this same allure can turn every mistake into a catastrophe, every imperfection into a testament of personal failure.
“I’m the worst person in the world,” “I’m doing it all wrong” – this can become a frequent internal monologue, a hypnotism, a harsh narrative that overlooks the nuances of human nature.
Making Mountains Out of Molehills
Black-and-white thinking can turn molehills into mountains. A minor oversight at work can spiral into a career-ending fiasco. A small disagreement with a friend into a relationship-ruining showdown. This tendency isn’t just about seeing the world in extremes; it’s about catastrophising scenarios, often leading to unnecessary stress and anxiety. This is where it can be very helpful to have someone very grounded around or someone who sees this so clearly in others as it’s their own tendency!
The Masochistic Tendency
I refer to this habit as masochistic because there’s a peculiar sort of self-infliction involved in these mental patterns. By setting up a narrative where I’m constantly the villain, I’m effectively punishing myself unnecessarily. It’s as if there’s a part of me that’s so ready to be mean to myself, finding a twisted comfort in that familiarity. ….I actually think it’s because I think I can help myself improve, make things better next time, not make the mistake again, be better, be perfect, control everything, even achieve more… Whilst there are no doubt pros to this (like all things) it’s a habit that can take some of the joy out of life.
Breaking free from this binary thinking with new mantras (reminders)
- Life Is Messy; We Can’t Control Everything
- Life Is a Mystery
- You Can’t Be Perfect So Be Kind to Yourself When You Mess Up, It’s Human!
- There Are Pros and Cons to Everything
- There Are No Answers
- Everyone’s Doing the Best They Can
- Seek Balance; A Bit of This, A Bit of That
- Small Steps In The Direction Of Your Heart Is Just Fine
Meditation
Meditation can become part of your life – it can become the steadying influence; the portal to a world of safety and love. Even if you’re not surrounded by love you can find it within* (meditation is more cosmic than you think, it’s a portal, it’s not a boring relaxation – it’s helped by doing it in a group!)
Conclusion
I will probably always have my black and white thinking tendency because it makes me a wild, free, joyful, sorrowful, ‘eat the world up’ kind of girl. But my mantras and meditation anchor me in the divine.
Jen May is a passionate coach specialising in female empowerment and self-expression. She is dedicated to guiding women to follow their wild hearts and discover new pathways to freedom and strength. With over 20 years of experience in the entertainment industry, Jen brings rich expertise to her coaching practice. She is certified in NLP(ABNLP), EFT, TFT(ATFT), Life Coaching(MASC), and Hypnotherapy(ABH).
Jen invites you to embrace the mystery of life, to connect with the wildness of your soul, the depth of your emotions, and the power of your unique voice. Together, you will explore the beauty of being fully alive, embracing the challenges and joys of life with an open and resilient heart. Her coaching is a profound call to transformation, to find your voice, and to step into the light of your true Self.